Is Your Marriage Falling Short of Happily-Ever-After? (And what to do about it!)

We all grew up with the myth of the perfect marriage. Just think back to the movies you watched as a child and you will remember that everyone lived happily-ever after. Even while you cozy up to one of today’s box office hits, popcorn in hand, when couples argue they usually resolve their issues and return to their picture-perfect lives in roughly two hours.

This “Happily-Ever-After” syndrome causes many couples to experience much grief, as it has filled us with unrealistic ideas about the way that healthy couples should interact when the going gets tough. And if you haven’t bought into these picture-perfect stereotypes from the movies, you still might see your relationship as falling short as you compare your marriage to that wonderfully, affectionate couple down the street who seem to never fight. The couple that goes out on regular date nights while their model children behave perfectly toward their babysitter. Never mind the fact that your stagnant sex life pales in comparison to the wild sex you’ve heard your friends talking about.

Don’t fall into the trap of judging your relationship based on what you know on the surface about another couple! When you compare your marriage to someone else’s, you do not know the difficult circumstances or challenges that are unique to them. When you play the comparison game, you also automatically overlook your own strengths, your partner’s strengths, and the special qualities that already exist within your relationship – let alone the wonderful characteristics that brought you two together in the first place.

Being in relationship with another is a challenging experience, but also one that is full of reward. All couples have periods of difficulty, but every relationship has positive attributes that can be built upon. However, if you hold the expectation that your marriage should be perfect, or that you should never disagree with your partner, you will be setting yourself up for disappointment. You will also rob your relationship of the joys that come from learning how to navigate the bumps in the road.

Here are 5 Tips to help you shake the feeling that your marriage is flawed or unworkable:

1. Remember there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. We do not have Hollywood scriptwriters feeding us lines and writing happy endings for our lives. We are imperfect human beings who choose other imperfect humans with whom to move through life.
2. Remember that different things work for different relationships. What may help your best friend’s marriage may not be the most appropriate fix for your relationship. Comparing your relationship to anyone else’s can leave you feeling like your relationship doesn’t measure up.
3. Take the time to look at what does work in your relationship. Instead of focusing on every negative trait your partner displays, focus on his or her endearing qualities. What strengths does each of you bring to the relationship to help navigate life’s challenges?
4. Acknowledge that all relationships require care and maintenance if your goal is to create a deeper bond. Through counseling, you can learn how to work as a team so that you can communicate more joyfully and effectively with one another and reconnect after a disagreement in healthier ways.
5. Celebrate your relationship! No matter how demanding your life may be, schedule the time to enjoy one another. A simple date (even if held in your living room once the children are asleep) is vitally important to re-establishing a positive connection with your partner in your over-scheduled, busy life.

If you feel disappointed, discouraged or overwhelmed in your relationship, please contact me for a FREE phone consultation. We can then decide how I may be able to help you as a marriage therapist. I can be reached at: 650 289-9972 or via email at Catherine@catherine-morris.com.

To read other relationship articles click here and learn about all of the ways you and your partner can create a stronger and more vibrant relationship.

Office located in downtown Menlo Park, California. Serving clients in Palo Alto, Stanford, Atherton, Woodside, Redwood City, Mountain View and Los Altos.