What Can You Expect From Couples And Marriage Therapy?

It is common for couples to approach couples or marriage therapy with the idea that they will each tell me what is wrong with their partner and then I will encourage that partner to make the necessary changes to get the relationship back on course. While this is understandable, it is far from what actually occurs in our work together.

Positive outcomes in marriage therapy come when you have more goals for yourself than you have for your partner.

Couples counseling sessions are not a place where each partner complains and hopes that I will make the other change their poor behavior. My role as a relationship therapist is to help you both become more mindful of your own relationship issues, underlying needs and desires and to guide you to improve your responses to each other. Your relationship problems are usually the result of old patterns of behavior and experiences that you may not even be aware of, yet get triggered when your partner says or does something.

Couples get stuck when one or both people believe they shouldn't have to change the way that they think or behave with their partner. Some people feel "I have already done more than enough and I don't need to do anything else to fix the problems in this relationship. My partner is the one with the problem and he/she needs to change for us to be happy.”

Understanding yourself is the key to bridging the gap between you and your partner and to solving your relationship problems. It is also the key to success in couples therapy.

Having worked with many couples as a relationship therapist, I understand that it is only natural to want to change your partner instead of adjusting your expectations about how you think your relationship should be. The hardest part of couples or marriage therapy for most people is accepting the idea that you cannot change your partner. You do however, have the power to improve and change the way that you respond to the things that your partner says and does.

When your partner sees that you are working to change your ineffective behavior toward him or her, he or she will be much more motivated to make the changes that you are requesting. You will both begin to respond in more positive ways toward each other and create a healthy cycle of interaction.

How To Be Successful In Couples And Marriage Therapy

Success in improving your relationship takes a positive attitude, the willingness to learn and the motivation to persist in that learning.

As your couples therapist, I will guide you in exploring your behavior and practice more effective approaches and responses in our sessions. It is important to practice what you learn in a couples therapy session when you are at home. It is also helpful to take the time that is needed to enjoy your partner by going out on dates, relaxing together and infusing fun and laughter back into your relationship.

There is bound to be some emotional discomfort when you are working to create new attitudes and behaviors. You will be learning new ways to listen, to talk to your partner so that they can understand your feelings, how to speak up instead of retreating or complaining, and how to soothe yourself when you get anxious. I will help you to develop patience with the couples therapy process and I will show you many tools that will help you to communicate better and negotiate relationship problems with confidence and great success.

Remember there is a direct correlation between the energy and effort that you put into improving your relationship and the rewards that you will reap in intimacy, trust and effective communication. The return on your investment of time and energy is a happy, satisfying and productive partnership.

I look forward to becoming your relationship therapist and helping you achieve the relationship that you have hoped for. Call 650 289-9972 to schedule a couples therapy appointment.

Office located in downtown Menlo Park, California. Serving clients in Palo Alto, Stanford, Atherton, Woodside, Redwood City, Mountain View and Los Altos.