As 2022 begins many of us have made New Year’s Resolutions. These resolutions often involve losing the extra pounds that we gained over the holidays, getting out of debt, getting into a relationship, or strengthening the one we are in. For most people the resolutions made on New Year’s Eve often are a thing of the past by Valentine’s Day.
Resolution is defined as “The act of determining”. This begs the question “What is it that I am determining? What is it that I really want?” We move through our lives and often our relationships without knowing what we truly want. When we stop to ask ourselves this question, we often come up empty handed. We simply don’t know what we want or what we feel we deserve. Relationships flounder when couples don’t take the time to decide what they want or the goals that they hope to achieve.
Now is the time to set an intention for what you want in your relationship. Intention is “A determination to act in a certain way”. Intention is the starting point of every dream. Allow yourself to dream, to hope for that which you have been yearning for. Perhaps these are the dreams that you held when your first entered your relationship, perhaps they have grown out of the experiences you’ve shared with your partner over the time that you’ve been together. When we set intentions, we are planting the seed from which our desires can grow. By knowing what we desire and setting an intention we can pay full attention and nurture the growth and health of our relationship.
Here are some guidelines for setting intentions:
- Ask yourself what you truly long for in your relationship
- Get clear about your own intentions for the relationship (ie. How you want to act in the relationship)
- Why do you want the things that you stated you desire? Notice the motives for your desires.
- What is the experience you really want to have?
- How do you want to feel daily in your relationship?
- What behaviors are you willing to act on in your relationship?
- Are there changes that you are willing to make to attain your desires?
- Are there short term and long-term intentions?
- Are your intentions measurable and attainable?
- Detach from the outcome. You cannot control your partner’s behavior; you can only control your own behavior and attitudes in your relationship.
Just as we need a roadmap to be truly efficient on a trip, we need to create a set of guidelines and intentions for where we want our relationship to go. This includes the behaviors and attitudes that we are willing to make to create the kind of relationship that we dreamed of having when we first entered a partnership with our loved one.