How to Improve Your Relationship with Your In-Laws and Extended Family Members
When you became involved with your partner you might not have realized you were also getting your in-laws and extended family members with the relationship. Holidays and family gathering may be fraught with tension and bad feelings so finding ways to soothe these tensions will serve everyone for years to come. Developing a good relationship with these family members is critical to the overall harmony in your relationship, since they will likely be an ongoing part of your life. Unfortunately, many individuals find themselves dodging emotional landmines when it comes to issues involving these people, even when they’ve brought their “best self” forward.
Some of these landmines include:
Holidays, visits, family events, and phone calls,
Your partner taking his or her family’s side instead of yours,
Feeling disrespected by these family members regarding your role as a parent,
Avoiding asserting yourself with your partners for fear of creating a “scene”,
Being treated like the “odd man out” when your partners family visit,
Feeling like your home is invaded by your partners family upon their arrival,
Spending more time with, or favoring, one set of family members over the other.
Here are some simple, yet powerful steps to help you if you are having issues with your partners family:
Don’t choose sides between your partner and his or her family. Choosing sides will create more tension and rifts within the family.
Don’t insert yourself into an argument between your partner and their family members. Inserting yourself into an argument will spill back onto you and will put an even greater strain on your relationship.
Let your partner know that you will help them sort out their feelings and come up with a strategy to help deal with their upsetting situation. Set the boundary that they must discuss difficult subjects with their family on their own. Showing them that slowing things down when they are having a discussion with their family member will help everyone understand just what the disagreement means to the other and what feelings are below the surface.
If the issue is between you and your partners family discover their likes and dislikes. While you don’t necessarily need to like them, taking the time to get to know them can help smooth the time that you spend together.
It is very important to treat these people with respect, even if you don’t care for them. After all, they are your partner’s family and are now a part of your family.
There is no reason why you and your partner can’t have a wonderful relationship with the others family. In-law and extended family relationships can bring much joy and wisdom to your family if boundaries are established, and everyone’s feelings and viewpoint are understood and kept in mind. Children most especially may benefit from having a relationship with these family members. They will learn to see the world from different points of view and that will enrich their experiences.