The Art of Apology

Most people believe that saying “I’m sorry” is all that is needed for an apology, but that is decidedly not so. Apologizing is about understanding the other person’s feelings, saying you are sorry that your actions hurt them and then stating how you intend to do something different in the future.

Apologies can be difficult to give or receive. If you are concerned that you will be criticized or shamed for your behavior or if you are not accustomed to apologizing, you may be hesitant to make yourself vulnerable in this way. You may even feel that the other person is making too much out of the incident and see no need to apologize. Asking why they are upset and discovering what the feelings are behind their hurt will go a long way in helping to repair the upset.

On the other hand, someone may not be inclined to readily let go of their feelings and accept an apology. They might not trust that the apology is sincere. Letting the other person know why you are upset and what it means to you will allow them to make an apology that is meaningful and addresses your hurt feelings. When receiving an apology, asking the other person to explain their actions and allowing yourself time to think about this will help heal your wounds. You will be more readily able to accept the gesture if you have thoroughly listened and understand their explanation of their behavior.

Ultimately, making amends in this way will help you create a caring and secure relationship whether it is with a partner, friend, or a family member. Developing the skills to give and accept an apology and working through that breach of trust will help you both to bridge the gap that has arisen because of poor judgment or behavior.