Tips to Re-engage with Someone at the End of the Day
After a hard day, you are often tired, hungry, stressed out, and desperately needing to unwind. The truth is, all day long, you have been meeting other people’s needs. By the end of the day, it’s only natural to want a little quiet time for yourself. So, how can people meet their own needs as well as the needs of their partner, friend or family member?
How you choose to re-engage with one another at the end of the day varies, but typically both partners will hold an expectation of how the other should behave. One person may want to talk things through and share all the details of their day. The other may prefer to deal with things on their own, focusing on their phone or computer. These are style issues and not a matter of right and wrong and require each partner to be clear to the other what they are needing at that moment. The need to re-engage at the end of the day is about connecting with the other person and building the secure bond that defines a healthy relationship. It is not necessarily what you talk about or what you do together.
How the two of you navigate these differing needs can determine how secure you feel in your relationship. Research shows that relationship satisfaction declines when one partner talks about a stressful event and the other partner does not listen or is not supportive. Relationship satisfaction remains steady when people listen and engages with us. Studies also show that when pleasant events are shared with another person, it makes us happier, and we will tend to want to share more positive things in the future.
Here are 6 tips to help you re-engage at the end of the day:
1. Work together to develop meaningful rituals to use when you come back together at the end of the day.
2. Greet your partner, friend or family member. A simple hello and a hug are quite reassuring and will set the tone for the evening.
3. Before you transition to the evening make a to-do list of the things that you need to do the next day. This will free your mind so you can be more present when you are together.
4. Listen to soothing music or put your feet up for a few minutes to let go of the hustle and bustle of the day. You might take 15 minutes apart to decompress after greeting the other. Taking a short walk is also a wonderful way to let go of the stress.
5. Divide up the evening’s chores. The burden of the evening should not fall on one partner alone. Have a discussion at a designated time to determine how you divide these chores. This is a loving negotiation and not a demand of what one partner must do.
6. Share your day with your partner in the evening after you have done all the necessary chores needed to keep life running smoothly. This will lessen stress and allows for more constructive sharing. Many people feel that there just isn’t enough time to do this but even a few minutes will strengthen the bond between you. If there are big topics to discuss, make a time when you can come together to talk in more depth. Using this strategy with a friend or family member also strengthens the bond between you.
Being proactive can make all the difference in how your evening proceeds. What you do isn’t as important as the fact that you are working together to create a pleasant time together. Taking the time to help each other deal with the stresses of the day or working together to manage the chores of the evening can go a long way in creating a happy and healthy relationship. Remember that you are looking at the dynamics involved in reconnecting after time apart.